Our First Halloween

Today is just hard. It’s just like everyone warned me about. As the holidays keep approaching, so do the tears.

I want to be dressing up Sadie tonight, but instead I have to imagine what she’d want to be; I’d like to think she would be another princess- maybe Cinderella. I’d love to know how much she’d be talking now and how vocal she would be.

She would laugh so hard at Cole’s costume (poop emoji) — she would always say, “shoo shoo” when something smelt bad... I can still hear her.

I talked with a fellow momma who lost her sweet son over the summer. We had a great conversation talking about what we think they would dress up as this year and shared pics of them from last year. I hate that our heart breaks the same, but I’m grateful for her and the open and honest convos we have.

To our forever, most beautiful princess, we miss you so much and these days don’t get easier; we just learn how to live with, and sometimes mask, our grief.

Today, I will smile with the boys because they do bring me joy. If it rains, we will dance in the rain because He is still good... even in the darkness.

Tonight, my prayer is for all of us parents that don’t get to dress up one of our children, but we remember that they are having more fun in Heaven than we are here.

It’s hard for my human heart, but I do know that she is.

Until we meet again.