Mother's Day 2018

I see God’s greatest work in the days I dread.

Mother’s Day, 2018, was a day that I didn’t know what I would feel let alone what I would need.

Based on Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthday, etc., I knew that this day would have a range of emotions. I do know that Trent and my boys know how to nurse my wounds…. A whole lot of love.

As I look back at my eight years of motherhood, it all began when God made me a mother in 2010.

To me, it has been my greatest calling- hardest- but greatest.

I am so proud to hear the word Momma.

Mother’s Day, 2015 was the first Mother’s Day with all three kids. Now, 2018, is the first Mother’s Day without all three kids on earth. I know what it means to be a mom. I know full circle what that means…

It means you love that baby from the moment you hear their first heartbeat, to the last moment when you see it stop.

It has to be the most joyous time to the most excruciating pain there ever was.

A question that has been a huge conversation piece with me and my friends is.

Are you ready for Mother’s Day?

I am.

How?

Because it’s just another day. To me, special days don’t mean I wake up with more (or less) hurt. It means I navigate it differently. In fact, these days aren’t usually as hard because I have so many people text, call, pray, and reach out- which I am SO GRATEFUL for! They are reminders that we are loved, cared for, and our pain is not forgotten.

As a mother, my life is not what I envisioned. How do I let myself feel ALL of the emotions I go through in a day? How do I love my child I had to bury, yet still have the joyous love for the two amazing boys I get to continue to love and care for on this earth? God's grace is more powerful than anyone can imagine.

It’s crazy to think this time last year, there was 5 weeks left with us before she met Jesus. Looking back at pictures, just like this one, make it seem like another life I use to live, yet other times it feels like yesterday. That is grief. There are days it wants to take over my heart, and then there are days it just stands beside me and walks with me, but it never leaves. Many people smile, but their hearts are crying.

Life is hard- no matter what the trial is.

Love, hugs, and prayers, my friends!